refuse to just lie there and bleed

I swore, I swore, I swore tonight would be the night that I would get something up here. After a couple of false starts over the past two weeks and it’s time I cowboyed-up and hit the publish button.

I just read over the unhatched inklings that were my last two posts, having never grown more then a few measly sentences they’re headed for the dust bin. The language seemed dated and the point, well there wasn’t any, so rubbish it is!

I can’t explain the flurry of activity, on my part, followed by nothing, I guess as in medicine and in keeping with the subtitle of this blog “it’s multifactorial”. I’ve been distracted, for sure, but that isn’t even the start of it. I’ve been processing a lot and working through some tough choices, or at least the melancholy that accompanies not making them.

In part I’m wondering what next, too in part I’m wondering what can I do presently to improve myself moving forward, while at the same time I’m trying not to get lost in the ferment and actually live for today. Whether it be my impulsiveness or my sense of mischief, one or the other seems set against the former two. Compound this with the abstraction I make when I look at an assemblage of words, produced by me, and find it less interesting then the most passive observer might and you get the general picture.

Or, maybe I’m just stalling.